Lately I've been trying to do a lot of things and I feel like there's isn't enough time in the day to do all of it. I've been working out, applying for new jobs, trying to do my side jobs and of course my creative pursuits. Heck I haven't include the time I spend nurturing my relationship and my 9 - 6 job. Wheew! That's a lot isn't it. I'm all for time management and I've mastered this method just that I don't apply it.. sometimes. I don't even have time to watch The Bachelor :(

I've thought about enrolling in an art course over the weekend and part of me is still indecisive about it. Mainly because it takes a year to complete it and knowing me I tend to stop half way. It won't be the first time I enrolled in a creative class though. Back in 2016, I took up a 6 week course in Creative Writing and I was surprise by how well I did. I mean I don't know how those words came out of me but it just did. Then again we're talking about a whole year here, not 6 weeks. Big commitment I know.

But can I just share this? Painting, drawing, colouring are some of the mediums I explored as a kid and I enjoyed doing it. I had sketch pads, drew still life and thought perhaps I have the skill. I just stop because either I wasn't into it that much or didn't think I have the talent. Nonetheless, as I grew older writing was the only thing that I kept doing and I have blogger to thank for that. But art? not so much.

Then again what's wrong in exploring and learning things that you are interested and later find out that it's not really your thing? At least you tried right? I mean how else can we know if we don't try?  I know it sounds like I'm trying to convince myself and perhaps I do. I mean I want to study yoga and even fashion design just to see which one I like best.  Needless to say I'll be one of those people who is a jack of all trades and a master of none. Maybe after all this I can just choose one and be a master of it no?

It won't always be perfect isn't it? With everything in life there is a price to pay, whether it be your comfort, money, job, status everything. It's a life currency, a kind of transaction if you put it, to pay for what is given and I'm trying to learn how to deal with that.

Right now I'm trying to find comfort where I'm at. Not to settle but to find peace with it.

I'm trying to keep a positive thought here as I've been wallowing too much on things that are unnecessary. I had a good sleep this last night and woke up with a positive note. Spend a bit of time reading my devotion and having breakfast. As I pause for a moment before I head out of the door I realize there's a few things that haven't change with me.

I still enjoy being in a creative environment. I enjoy arts and crafts, colours, literatures, all the things that makes me wonder and feel happy at the same time. Unfortunately, my work right now doesn't allow me to do that and it sucks how I came from a creative agency down to where my work focuses on media. It pays the bills and the environment allows flexibility but it doesn't fulfil me.

Something has to change but I tend to hold back. I don't know.

I feel like life is forcing me to grow up even if I don't want to. I know I'm an adult but part of me doesn't want to be responsible for anything or to do anything for that matter.