I used to hear this phrase from my parents but it didn't hit me as much as it did last night. I had to force myself to calm down because I was in distraught. When you realise how much of a burden you will be to someone because 1) his family is more important than you 2) how he doesn't want you to hang on to him because he wants you to find your own way then you're kind of at lost, left alone to figure things out. It's as though he already has too much on his shoulder and thinking about me is just another weight for him to carry.

I'm not 100% sold on the idea of constantly moving anyway. If I keep starting over where will that lead me? One thing is for sure, I will be older and may not have the same energy and opportunities as when I was younger. As scary as it is for me I need to be brave enough to stand on my own and carve out a life. Learning to put myself first because I know if we are thrown in the ocean, I will need to learn how to swim while he will save and carry his family with him.

As the sun comes up day after day like it always does, anything is possible, that not everyday is exactly the same. When the day has ended with it's long winded run, know that the moon is shining, smiling; you live through another day. The universe is at peace so you should be.

How do you picture our lives would be like? You ask me this last night and after telling you mine and you sharing yours I realise we both have the same vision just different in detail. I was always fixated with something permanent and secure where we can build our foundation as we go, but it doesn't have to be that way. You wanted our lives to be filled with adventure and I wanted the same. Just that I'm afraid of what the consequences are if we're too adventurous as we're older. Then again we have each other don't we? I can choose to live a life with my version of security but without you in it, won't it feel empty?

It's been exactly 6 months since I became vegan (wow 6 months!) and honestly, it wasn't easy. I went through a period of change and face challenges I never thought I would encounter. The problem is not only did I went vegan but my body is not receptive of gluten either so I really had a hard time. Let me give you a run down of what I've experience so far.

1) The first few months I was still eating eggs and dairy but just drank medicine to combat the stomach pain. Because eggs and dairy is IN EVERYTHING! I mean I don't drink cows milk but damn these 2 are just in every food we eat. From fried rice to mix veggies to snacks, it baffles me how these sneaks into everything.

2) Traveling was more challenging for sure. We have to look at places that have vegan options or if they don't, I'll just ask the staff to remove the egg and dairy.

3) I have to be prepared, either I pack my own food if I know the place we're going to go doesn't have vegan option (like the time our team went to universal studio for team bonding) or I have to look at the menu online the night before and see how I can make it vegan (like the time we had a farewell dinner for my boss)

4) Reading food labels is tricky. I'm not familiar with these till today but I know a few. For example did you know that feathers are in breads or bugs are use as food colouring? These are labeled in E (with a series of number).

5) At first I can't get my head around eggs and dairy like I knew they are bad but during those few months I would close one eye and still eat it occasionally. I felt like a hypocrite calling myself vegan but the truth is, it's not going to be perfect and changing how I was eating for 29 years overnight isn't going to happen either. Gradually I have to accept that yes cakes have dairy and I can't eat it and my body doesn't want dairy anyway so why force it. I knew I wanted to go full vegan this year and so recently I watch more documentaries and listen to other vegans opinion on how they manage to gradually wind off those food and it changes my view completely. One of the vegans I follow mention that whenever you think that you can eat that cake with dairy on it, remind yourself that an animal has suffered for it. That was spot on.

6) I tried going high carb vegan where I ate a lot of rice and pasta and it's a no no for me. I ended up gaining more weight than I anticipated.

7) I tried a lot of new vegan recipes but the truth is I can't be bothered to cook unless the food takes me 10 - 15 min to make.

Now I understand how vegan feels after making the change. It's so difficult to navigate a world that is not vegan friendly and that's just the reality of it. I just have to accept that and work my way around it. After a year of attempting to become a vegan, I'm so proud that I have gone this far.

Dear Sweetheart,