2017 was such an amazing year and it tops that of 2016, 2015 and 2014 . If I think about it I'm truly blessed and I wouldn't have it any other way. I set out 2017 to be the year of change and it has. I focused on 2 goals, to save money and be healthy and fit and I achieve both and more. So what exactly have I done this year?

1. I got a new job at Dentsu
2. I went to Phuket, Penang, Malacca, Japan, Manila, Amsterdam, Brussels and Berlin
3. Met the love of my life
4. Found a workout routine that works for me
5. Lost 10lbs and got a slight fit body
6. Hit my savings target (close)

This year I'm proud to say that I have read 28 books. Whoohoo! In the past 2 years I've only read 18 books and I think reading graphic novels and poetry help up my number. You can see all the books I've read in Goodreads here.  So what made it to my top 5 of 2017? Here are the books in order.

1. Turtles All The Way Down by John Green (Damn this book gives me all the feels and it's hands down my top book of 2017)

2. Naked Human by Christopher Poindexter (His works just speaks to me so much that at one point I want to get a tattoo of his work.)

3. Note To Self by Connor Franta (This book is very relatable and I like that it's a mixture of photographs, poetry and essays.)

4. Love and Gelato by Jenna Evan Welch  (I wasn't expecting to love this book as much but I did and it makes me want to visit Florence and Tuscany after reading it.)

5. The Sun Is Also A Star by Nicola Yoon (The plot is everything and I remember enjoying the characters and the twist and turn of the events.)

Runner Ups:
1. The Hate You Give by Angie Thomas (It's the first book of it's kind that I've read it speaks volume about racism, politics and violence)

2. Little Black Book by Otegha Uwagba (A very useful and informative book for any working women)

If you want to read about my past top books here are the links. 2016  - Goodreads , 2015 - Goodreads, 2014 - Goodreads.

1. A book made into a move you've already seen
2. True crime
3. The next book in the series you started
4. A book involving a heist
5. Nordic Nor
6. A novel based on a real person
7. A book set in a country that fascinates you
8. A book with a time in a day in the title
9. A book about a villain or antihero
10. A book about death or grief
11. A book with a female author who uses a male pseudonym
12. A book with an LGBTQ + protagonist
13. A book that is also a stage play or musical
14. A book by an author of a different ethnicity than you
15. A book about feminism
16. A book about mental health
17. A book you borrowed or was given to you as a gift
18. A book by two authors
19. A book about or involving a sport
20. A book by a local author
21. A book with your favorite colour on the title
22. A book with alliteration on the title
23. A book about time travel
24. A book with a weather element in the title
25. A book set in a sea
26. A book with an animal in the title
27. A book set on a different planet
28. A book with a song lyric in the title
29. A book about or set in a Halloween
30. A book with a character who are twins
31. A book mentioned in another book
32. A book from a celebrity book club
33. A childhood classic you've never read
34. A book that is published in 2018
35. A past Goodreads Choice Awards Winner
36. A book set in a decade you were born
37. A book you meant to read in 2017 but didn't get to
38. A book with an ugly cover
39. A book that involves a bookstore or a library
40. A favorite prompt from 2015, 2016 or 2017 POPSUGAR Reading Challenges
41. A bestseller from that year you graduated in high school
42. A cyberpunk book
43. A book that was being read by a stranger in a public place
44. A book tied to your ancestry
45. A book with a fruit or vegetable in the title
46. An allegory
47. A book by an author with the same first or last name as you
48. A microhistory
49. A book about a problem facing society today
50. A book recommended by someone else taking the POPSUGAR Reading Challenge

Dear 2018

I'm writing this on 11 Dec 2017 and I wonder what you'll bring. I wonder what new challenges and experiences you have in store, I wonder what surprises you have waiting that has yet to knock on my door. Please be kind, that's all I ask.

I feel like life is forcing me to grow up. From the decisions I'm making to the plans I have in the future. While there is comfort in staying where I am I knew I had to grow up. I want to think that I'm still in a crossroad but perhaps I'm already past that.

My head was spiralling down last night but after a much needed drink I woke up with a new light. I felt a new, embraced by love, feeling the spirit hugging my existence now, guiding me in the days ahead.

There's so much to be thankful for. And I'm here right now alive and living.

I was thinking about my fitness goals for the next year and I realize there are areas that needs improvement; primarily my diet and legs, damn those needs toning up. Not forgetting that I have developed a consistent workout habit this year, next year I'm taking it up a notch.

• 1. Develop a healthy mindset (Eat everything in moderation. Over indulgence is unnecessary. Having a dessert after each meal is not mandatory!)

• 2. Tone up those legs! (Run or walk at least 3x a week. A minimum of 2 miles)

There's always this one girl in a man's life that makes his heart sing a million songs. I hope I am that to you.

I reach out my hand to you despite the feeling that I don't want to. Yet here I am with my untainted soul humbled down in hopes no sight of bitterness is in your eyes, in your voice. You welcome me like yesterday was long forgotten and responded with the same view in your eyes like I've always known; cold yet warm, spite yet forgiven.

I''m okay. I'm human. That in spite of what I think, it doesn't matter. We are ashes after all, waiting to be blown away and into infinity. 

6:22am

As the day begins and our lives starts to unfold, I wonder about what the lives of others are. Not the people around me but the characters on the books I have yet to finish, the authors who's works sunk deep to my soul. Perhaps their lives are more interesting than mine or perhaps I find the connection between their souls and mine. And that maybe just maybe we're really not all that different.

When I was young my mom used to tell me that there is a time for study and time for play. Now that I'm all grown up I realize how true this still is. There is a time for work, time for play, time to nurture relationships and time for rest. As things gets a little bit overwhelming, I paused and remind myself that there is time. Time to focus on things that are important, time to get the things I want to get done, done. So that's what I'm doing. Time to get my act together and just do it.

I can't keep my mind still. It's all over the place yet this is where I feel the safest. I want to hide in my own thoughts, in own my world where no one can hurt me, where no one can judge me for what I do and for what I say. It's just me and this world I created in my head. I'm happy here. It's my playground and my refuge where I can come back to when everything else is but chaos.

I don't want to be surrounded by people I care less about. I'd rather stay away from them, isolating myself where I don't have to think of anyone but of ways I can better myself and of how I wish to live in the next 40 - 50 years of my life.

After nearly a decade of writing my thoughts in here I realise I've just kept record of my 20s. Wow and I just did that unconsciously. We've seen and heard people keeping a journal here and there but most of us never see the value in it. To be honest, I was one of them. I attempted to do the whole One Line A Day thing about 2 years ago and ended up giving up after 5 months. I just don't understand how people do it. Little did I know the method I was doing was wrong. I realize you need to allow yourself to write freely when you want to and not be sucked up in a system you have to follow, much like how I always have with this blog. Now that I'm entering my 30s in 8 months time, I know it's still a long way to go, I'll keep doing what I'm doing but I'm adding 2 more things.

Keep photos of the highlights of my month. I started this in July and it's so fun to see actual photographs of memories I enjoy the most.

Do the 365 questions everyday starting today. I'm a little skeptical with this just because I tried doing One Line A Day and it drained the hell out of me. But then again maybe this time it will be different since it's going to be 365 different questions for the entire year.

Can you imagine keeping records of your life for an entire decade and looking back at them when you're older? How amazing will that be?

I was reading my devotion yesterday and the message prompts me to reflect on what had happened thus far this year. It said that when God takes something away from you, trust that He will give you a life of abundance and that's exactly what happened to me. I was intending to move to Toronto once all my documents are settled but due to some circumstances it didn't push through. As broken as I was I chose to let it go and trust that it will all be okay.

Looking backI realize how true the passage was. He took away my opportunity to move to Toronto and replaced it with unforgettable experiences. I met the love of my life, when to places I've never been before, got the opportunity to visit back home, to travel to Japan - a country I've always wanted to visit by never got the chance to and to cap it off a plan to travel to Europe during the holidays. It blows my mind how blessed I was. and indeed God is true to His words and He never fails.

Holiday season is almost here with autumn scents filled the room, tickets booked and plans for Christmas are almost set. If you can't tell from the image, yes! I'm going to Berlin! Well that and Amsterdam. I'm just polishing up some documents and I'm good to go, what a way to end the year. I feel blessed and this year has nothing but greatness.

October has left me with plans confirmed, things to ponder and to work on for 2018. Exciting things are happening.

I was watching one of the YouTubers I follow and her mom quoted something that stuck with me. She said you've got to have faith in the future and that your decisions shouldn't be based on fear because then you'll never move forward.

It's been 4 years since I last went home and this time it was different. I stayed at my boyfriend's place and we spend the week meeting friends, visiting Dentsu Philippines office, went to Duty Free, playing at the casino, eating filipino food etc. Mostly it's to check out the new condo he got as it was officially turnover to him. What a moment. I was proud. After the crazy whirlwind dealing with POEA to get my exit pass we finally manage to head back to Singapore safely.

14 - 18 Oct 2017

The highlight of my trip was seeing his new unit and the first one that he bought as well. Those were his hard earn money and it solidifies that the man I'm with knows how to think and will make sure that I'm okay in the long run.

I'm back in my hometown as I'm writing this and the other day we visited the school I spend 14 years of my life. I saw the old apartment that I used to stay at during lunch breaks, the restaurants I used to eat at and familiar faces that is still there since forever.  As I observe the people around me I realise there are 2 kinds of Filipino Chinese middle class parents. One is where they are happy and contented with where they are at and one is where they wanted to have better lives for their kids thus moving to a better place, planning their kids future etc.

I'm one of the lucky few to have the latter and that's when I realise how blessed I am. I never experience hardships in life, everything was provided and my parents make sure we have all that we need and more. They decided for me to move to Singapore and at that time, I don't see the need because I was contented with where I am. They knew better thus I am where I am because of their love and support. They set the road and now it's up to me to nurture and move even further.

My heart is dancing; dancing in your love, in your arms, in our lives together, it's just happy.

Day 15
Subject: Impermanence
Mantra: It won't always be like this.

Day 14
Subject: Suffering
Mantra: Life maybe be difficult but I don't need to suffer

As cliche as this may sound we all know it's valid. Change is uncomfortable whether it's imposed upon us or something we want to do for ourselves. I must admit I struggle with this a number of times; from my diet to exercise to work place you name it, it's all but change and it's something I need to face head on.

But the thing that strikes me the most is not about how we are to face it but rather how change can serve us well if we learn to how to recognise and embrace it for what it is. There are several things I want to do like study yoga, take an ancestry DNA test, build a company that contributes to a charitable organization or simply updating my resume and start applying for a new job. I haven't taken the time to do any of these because I consider it as a change to my daily routine. There are several action steps on these and I have been procrastinating for the longest time. Can anyone of you relate with me on that?

Day 13
Subject: Attachment and Aversion
Mantra: Will this be important in a year?

Day 12
Subject: Patience
Mantra: There's always enough time.

Day 11
Subject: Fear
Words: We can choose to observe our fears and bring awareness back to what is happening in the present.

Spending too much time in Singapore calls for a much needed overnight trip to Malacca. It's my first time there so it was exciting to see what the city can offer.

30 Sep - 1 Oct 2017
Most of the popular sites are around Jonker Street so we walked around visiting historical sites such as the Dutch Square, Peranakan Museum and eating chicken rice balls, roasted chicken and nonya cuisine. 4 - 5 hours bus ride wasn't as bad as a I thought but it was tiring nonetheless.

As the new month rolls around and the holidays are here, I can't help but think of all the amazing things that happened this year and plan for the months ahead. As for October it's going to be a month of hometown and planning. Cheers to October.

Day 10
Subject: Control
Words: We cannot control the behaviours of others. And any attempt to do so will backfire.
Mantra: What can I let go of right now?

Last night and this morning was hard for me. I start questioning, doubting, reevaluating my circumstances if it's still worth moving forward. I asked opinions from friends, asked myself more questions and I found myself crying in the washroom for a good minute. I'm lost and I don't know what to do. Then I remembered my mom and my sister how they would always tell me to pray and ask for guidance. So I did and I heard a friendly voice telling me to just talk to Him at all times. That even if I don't feel the love myself, I can find love in Him and that's greater than anything else.

Day 9
Subject: Compassion
Mantra: When I act from the heart, I always know what to do.
Words: Compassion is to be expressed to everyone at all times.

How easy it is for our youth to fade away? How careless and happy we were then, with no thoughts of the future. We were just naive living life for what we know when people tell us not so. When little do they know, there's treasure to be found in bit and pieces of life we sow.

Day 8
Subject: Relaxation
Mantra: Never pass up a chance to do nothing.
Words: Don't believe your thoughts.

Day 7
Subject: Courage
Mantra: I will do what is possible.
Words: Your work is to distinguish what is important enough to require your commitment and what is not worthy.

Day 6
Subject: Perspective
Mantra: I am grateful.
Words: We benefit from maintaining perspective about what is happening in life, right here right now. We often forget to trust the whisperings of our heart. Cultivate gratitude.

Day 5
Subject: Faith
Mantra: I have faith in myself.
Words: Unless we have faith in the ability of the methods of self transformation, we are unable to continue them when the going gets difficult, boring and demanding.

While I was doing my practice this morning, I remembered a quote that goes a long the line of nothing is permanent, that we own nothing in this world, that we are all ashes. The thought of this makes me realize how all anger, frustration, worry and fear, even material possessions, relationships are all temporary. We own nothing, so why limit ourselves.

Day 4
Subject: Self-Judgement
Mantra: I am choosing to let go of my self-judgement now.
Words: There is no way I can be harsh to myself and be compassionate to others at the same time. Bring a sense of the comfortable with your inner life, to your thoughts and how you speak to yourself.

Day 3  
Subject: Letting go 
Mantra: This is the perfect moment to let go. 
Words: You are to give up your attachment to the way you think things are. 

Remember when I intend to set 2018 as the year of creativity? Well scrap that out. A month after and I'm changing it to focus on the year of Action. As uncomfortable as I am putting this down, I knew it was necessary. I don't want to blame it on my relationship, though a lot has to do with my partner influencing my decisions, the intention is to push me beyond my boundaries. But damn, getting out of my comfort zone is really tough.

Action to me meant doing the things I've hold off for a while.

• Setting up a full fledged side project
• Getting a DNA ancestry test
• Going for a yoga teacher training
• Learning art illustration  
• Completing a year long photo journal 

If I don't start now then when? Maybe not ever.

Day 2 
Subject: Discipline
Mantra: I give myself fully to each moment.
Words: Discipline is doing what is possible with consistency. Less about accomplishment and more to do with intention and commitment.
Task: List a things that you've always wanted to do but never find a time to do. Choose 1 activity and dedicate 15 minutes a day, same time, same place for a month and review your experience after. At that time, you may want to continue, change it or drop all together.

List of things I've always wanted to do:
1. Colouring book
2. Read I Heart Christmas novel - I chose this.
3. Apply for freelancing job
4. Apply for a fashion related job

I've been tapping into yoga and reading books about spiritually lately as I find that it helps me deal with my relationship. Not that I'm in a bad one but rather I'm more of a negative ball as compared to him. He is more positive, always telling me to let go and move forward, something I'm not used on doing. I feel that for us to be in a happy relationship I need to play my part.

First up, Yoga. I used to do it before but then I stopped and now I'm getting back to it. I practice at least 30 - 60 mins a day and I'm on day 7 of my 30 day practice. I'm reading Living Your Yoga by Judith Hanson Lasater  as well to equip myself on this journey. So I'm starting this thread to highlight what I've learned thus far.

Day 1 
Subject: Spiritual Seeking
Mantra: My life is a work in progress
Words: To practice yoga in the deepest sense is to commit to developing awareness by observing our lives; our thoughts, our words, our actions.

Sweetheart,

Thanks for your love. For always making me feel love whenever we are together. I'm working on myself as I'm sure you know, to be better in this relationship. To not be a ball of sadness but rather be a person filled with joy and peace. You've always showed me how to let go and move forward and I'm trying. Not the easiest but it serves well in our relationship and I want to be like that well.

To see your name pop up on my phone last night was not something I expect to see. We haven't talked in months and I wonder what made you think of messaging me. To be honest, I thought about it as well before but I hold myself back because it wasn't necessary. We both have our own lives now and have clearly moved on from before. I know we're friends but I guess that bit of history will never go away. I don't know if you're reading this but let me tell you; I'm happy and in love with the man I'm with. We had our time and you're the one who gave up on me.

Hey Sweetheart,

I know we just spoke last night but I just want you to remember this. You are loved and I am here with you. I know how you feel and I understood it. We've been through so much haven't we? I've seen you happy, sad and times when you felt uncertain in life. I was there to talk you into it and out of it and constantly remind you of how beautiful and amazing you are.

I've seen how you were in every relationship and let me tell you this, you are worth every love there is in the world. You humble yourself down when needed and you held yourself up high when you should. You are selfless and you're willing to sacrifice even your own happiness for the person you love most. And if no guy sees that well they aren't worthy of you, of any part of you.

I feel so meh today. So uninspired by anything in life. I know I should be excited because I have a new project brewing up but I just don't feel great today. I don't know if it's because my body doesn't feel right after eating some sort of dairy that I wasn't aware of last night or that my phone broke and won't get a new one till Friday. I wish I can just be all pump up and be inspired but I just don't.

I imagine I'm in New York City right now. Perhaps that will stir something up. I'm trying. I'm trying.

Remember back in December 2016 I mentioned something about the need to contribute to society? It took me 8 months to figure it out and now I have. I'm starting a project that won't be revealed till later this year but the key milestones thus far? Bought the domain name and found a charity organisation to support :) More updates coming!