Today's morning pages was all about a particular aspiration I've always had for a long time. I've never gotten around to do it because my current situation doesn't allow me to and like most dreams, there's a lot at risk. But while I was jotting down my thoughts about it, my mind just probe questions and possible answers of ways I could do it. Is this really what the whole morning pages is about? I'm surprise because I'm only at day 3 and it's doing something.

On the other news, I stumble upon a stack of photographs from previous trip to Paris and can I just say that it brought back all the feels? This is one of those photographs I took and it was during autumn. It's this beautiful small garden at the back of Notre Dame and right across it is the Archbishop's Bridge or Pont de l'Archevêché as they call it in french. It's all covered in padlocks of course. I remember sitting at one of those benches and just taking it all in. It was beautiful and it will always be one of those moments I won't forget.

I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to start this new ritual every morning. I guess I've always like to write but I'm not consistent about it. I just do it when something significant happens or if I want to get my emotions out. It has always been my avenue anyways that's why I kept this blog for so long.

Today's morning pages was a lot about my bestfriend visiting to town and how we discuss life plans. Yes life plans! Is it scary and exciting at the same time? It's like drafting out a road map not only how you see yourself 10 years from now but doing it in a way that actually fulfils your dream. Yesterday, a friend of my surprised all of us by moving to Japan to fulfil his childhood dream of living and studying there and he is 36. Heck you can be 45 and still do it anyways.

We're all artist of our lives and that's what makes it exciting and liberating at the same time. We all have choices and it's up to us decide where to use it. And when you do go for it and don't lose sight of what you've always wanted, at least this is what I try to remind myself every single day.

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As promised I started the morning pages this morning and I'm proud of myself for getting through all 3x pages full. Yes, you read that right. I'm not surprised because I do have a lot of things on my head. Most of what I've written is a recap of what I've done yesterday and all the thinking behind it as well. I don't think I'm completely lost. I have a direction just that I guess I wanted more. Hey, a girl can dream right?

I have a lot of thoughts in my head lately that I felt the need to get it out. There's just so much things going on and I don't even know where to begin. Well, I kind of know but it's all over the places now. I needed an avenue where I can just spill it and not keep anything. I'm sure you're thinking well isn't this what the blog is for? But like most entries that you've read, you'd know I keep in vague for privacy reasons.

So this morning when I was browsing through Paris Letters by Janice Macleod, she mentioned about how she changed her life and it all started when she challenged herself to write 3 pages a day, every single day for 365 days in a year and blogged about it to keep her accountable. Mind you, she didn't blog the contents of her pages but rather just the gist of it and the challenges in the process.

I figured why not I do the same?

If it changes her life as well as to most people who've done this exercise, (it originally came from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron) then I'm sure it will do the same to me. 20 - 30 minutes a day is all that's needed. I'm sure I can inject that into my daily ritual.

And while I get burned out easily, like most things I've tried, I notice that I'm more likely to keep up with things when there is a time frame involved. For example, I've done 30 days of photo challenge last January and I'm keeping up with my gratitude journal that I started about a weeks ago where I write 3 things I'm grateful for everyday.

Initially I was thinking of waiting till 1 Jan'17 to begin this journey but why wait? Why not start it tomorrow 28 Nov, Mon just as we begin the week for the next 365 days and blog about. Sounds good to me.

I'm trying to keep myself compose despite the tribulations that has happened recently. There are things beyond our control and we can only do so much.

Life would throw a curve ball at us but it gives you a hint when it's coming. You would see it from a mile ahead and it's up to us to decide whether to act on it immediately or wait till we are sure it will hit us. And when it does you have to trust that it meant well, to free you from the situation you would have otherwise endured and to open the doors where you could realise what you are capable of and what you are meant to do.

Most often than not we know what we wanted, we're just afraid to do it and put in the effort that is required, and it's not until something hits us that forces us to do it anyway. In my case, this turn of events did just that. It created such a huge impact that it forces me to reassess how I want to live my life and design it in a way I will be proud of 10 years from now.

Yesterday I asked myself, this is how I've lived in my 20s. How do I want to live in my 30s?

Things will fall into place despite how it may appear. After all what is life without pain and suffering. It's the way the universe balances itself and as such it's our duty to handle it with grace and not let ourselves drown over it.

Life is a hard long battle; to be ourselves yet pleasing other people, to make choices not out of random but of logic. One can argue and say otherwise but in truth, if one can handle the consequences of their action then by all means please. We can't judge people and that's the principle I live by.

I don't know where I'm going with this but I guess these are things I want to tell myself and it hopes it helps others as well. Life has its ups and downs and when it hits you hard, embrace it, roll with it and know it's okay to cry when it helps. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes despite how much we know of the world.

And please know that despite how hard it seems there are friends who are willing to listen and will be there to assure you that you are good enough, that you are amazing and that you are worth it.

Sometimes we stumble upon people that makes a difference in us and makes us think of what's important in life. That's what happened here on our second day in Tai Chung. A lady in her late 40s welcome us in her quaint little shop and shared with us her stories of life and travels in Spain. Initially I was listening patiently just to be polite but later did I know I got more that what I intended to do.

She did not only share with us her experiences and adventures in Spain but also her sentiments towards it. How all of these are memories she kept with her and will stay with her even long after she moved here in Tai Chung. She was even so proud that she can speak Spanish fluently that I find it amusing.

And just as I was about to believe that perhaps traveling may not change a person, her story proved me wrong and made me realise that we have to build memories in life, regardless whether it's with someone or not, and when I grow old I want to look back and say I've seen and experience as much as I could in this lifetime and that I've lived a beautiful life.

I learn to let things pass and not let myself be affected by what others say. I can't please everybody and we're not all meant to get along anyway. To be honest, I don't think I care anymore. I became so numb that whatever is said I just take it with a grain of salt and just let it be.

If there is one thing that changed me this year it would probably be this. I just don't think it matters anymore.