Something Feels Wrong and I Couldn't Figure Out What
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Something Feels Wrong and I Couldn't Figure Out What




I feel like I'm starting lose things that once kept me together, like things are dying down on its own and I'm not sure if I can cope if it sinks. I don't know how I feel and I can't put it in to words. Part of me doesn't want to care yet part of me is scared of what happens if I didn't care. I'm puzzled and confuse on about how I feel towards someone, about my job, about my life. I mean who isn't nowadays. Something feels wrong and I couldn't figure out what.


see More »

A Cold Night In Paris
Sunday, June 19, 2016
A Cold Night In Paris


I remember it vividly. It was in this quaint little café just outside of Metro Saint Germain des Pres. I chose to sit outside where I can see people walking pass all clad in their dark woolen coats and thick scarves as they scrambled through the cobblestones in a cold night of Paris. I didn’t care, I wanted to witness it; the lights, the people, the hustle and bustle of the city, all while sitting here in this french woven chairs with its classic round tables. 

A few minutes later, a monsieur came up to me in his black and white two-piece garb. I knew what I wanted but before I could speak, I thought for a split second how handsome he looked despite being all consumed, his face tainted with the nights’ of work. I shoved the thought at the back of my head and focused on a beaten up sheet as he gently handed it over to me. I took a quick glance just for the gesture of it and returned it with an amicable smile. “Je vais avoir un confit de canard s'il vous plaît?” I said in my best french accent.  As he acknowledged and later served me with a plate full of richness, I thought of how amazing it is to just be here and be alive. 
see More »

Station 10291
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Station 10291


I push myself out of bed thinking this will be another day for me to fulfil a dream or a least for the first few hours. I knew I don't want to be out there in the world where I'm not sure I belong but I do anyways. I don't have much choice in life is it or at least not now. 

I find myself out the door walking frantically to the station in hopes that I can catch it on time. Again I see the same exactly people I see everyday; a dad carrying her daughter to school, an old lady in her usual checkered tops and bottoms and a man in his suit all polished and ready to take on the world. I wonder what their thinking, what goes through their mind as they wait for that red double decker ride to come to a halt. 

The dad doesn't appear all that cheery today as I would if I have my own daughter. He seems serious and occupied with thoughts of how he can get through the day much like I am. I wonder where his wife is. I never saw her. 

The old lady who is always so calm and at peace with herself seems to be enjoying the warmth of the sun. I wonder if she plans to go to the market today or perhaps this time around she’ll opt to visit her son who has once abandoned her instead. I feel like there is so much story with her years of existence and I wish I have the guts to ask about her life. I wonder what she'll tell me. Perhaps she'll shoo me away or call the police. I would never know. 

And this man, yes the man in a suit. He is so handsome and I tend to look at him on a slight angle. I wonder what he does for a living. He seems like a banker to me. I mean the ride he takes suggest he works in a high corporate where money is boast like it's nothing, like every hundreds of dollars can just be thrown with a flick of a finger. I wonder how many women he has slept with. I bet he has broken many hearts than he intended to do. I'm not planning to be one of them so soon.

As I dwell in my own thoughts, I figured well we’re just as the same as we are different, how I hold on to a certain pride, hope and sorrow that not everyone sees and if they did they probably would have judged me anyways. Then again that's the least I care about. 
see More »

I Never Wanted To See This Side of You
Saturday, June 11, 2016
I Never Wanted To See This Side of You


I never wanted to see this side of you. Not with her, not of how she could possibly is to you. I don't even want to know and I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it, like I can change anything. You're happy or at least I think you are and perhaps I should leave it at that. Then I start to think of things I shouldn't be thinking. I need to stop.


see More »

I Needed You
Thursday, June 09, 2016
I Needed You


I still look back at our conversation sometimes, the kind where I play it over my head and think ya, I needed to hear that. You know no boundaries nor did you care whether it hurts me or not. You were honest and true and I needed that in my life. You pointed out what's wrong with me and what I should be doing. I brushed it off then thinking you didn't understand what I was going through, that you're judgement doesn't apply because we're different for all sorts of reason. 

But things happen and I found myself thinking you're right and if we're having this conversation right now I'm sure you'll tell you were always right.  

I needed you boo...  I needed you
see More »
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)