I can't believe I'm starting 2017 with so much uncertainty. I'm just keeping my faith knowing there's a plan. While I was reading my devotional for the day, it mentioned that He has designed us to have no sufficiency of our own. That for me saids a lot because it's true. We are not sufficient on our own and we need His guidance to help us go through life.

When I was in college my professor told us his story of how he didn't have anything. No income, no food etc but then God provided him with everything he needed. And he parted to us with this "God always provides" and he does. So that's what I'm clinging on to despite all this.

I wouldn't say 2016 flew by as quickly as 2015 but hey I had the most fun this year and met the most amazing people. Though I've done more in 2015 (lots of minor things) and a couple in 2014, this was the year I traveled the most and explored veganism. So what have I done this year?

1. Attended my first indie music festival (Laneway)
2. Traveled to Canada, New York, Rawa, Hong Kong, Bintan, Taipei and Tai Chung
3. Taken an online creative writing class at Gotham Writers
4. Partied endlessly in Hong Kong (First time. Yes. Lame. I know lol)
5. Explored veganism

So what's my conclusion? 2016 has not only been the most fun but it thought me a lot about myself of what I'm capable of and how I should be moving forward. I think this realisation is very important as I step on to the new year.

A couple of my friends said 2016 has not been good for them but I guess it depends how you look at it. For me I feel blessed to have such an amazing year and I wouldn't have done it any other way.

It's that time of the year again! This year I've read a total of 18 books same as how I did back in 2015.  No shame on that because clearly it wasn't my top priority nonetheless I've read some pretty awesome books. If you want to know my top 5 books of 2015 and top 10 of 2014 you can check it out over on that link.

This year I'm ranking them in order, 1 being my most favourite. So which books made the cut?

1. Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli (OMG this book is just my FAVOURITE. I love the characters so much that I can't believe it's a stand alone. I can't wait for her next book to come out which is The Upside of Unrequited due on April 2017.)

2. The Plant-Based Journey by Lani Muelrath (This books has helped me A LOT. She doesn't only give you information why we should eat a plant based diet but also she maps out how you can incorporate it into your life, from prepping at home to eating out to strengthening your mind to overcome challenges as you begin your transition, this book is just a gem)

3. November 9 by Colleen Hoover (There's definitely an unexpected twist but if you've read Colleen Hoover's books for awhile you know that's her writing style. Luckily for me I don't read much of her works so it was a good surprise.)

4. This Modern Love by Will Darbyshire (This book reminds me that there's love in the world despite heartbreaks and false anticipation that we tend to have when we're beginning to love someone.)

5.  Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas  (It took me a while to finish this book but what makes it interesting is the love triangle between the characters.)

And oh! How well did I did on my 2016 reading challenge? I read 14 books out of 40! LOL barely half but it was a good challenge!

Yup that pretty much saids it all. I cannot not be in shape anymore.

If you don't act on it nothing will happen. Simple.

Doing this whole veganism thing makes me want to contribute to society. Something that would help and inspire people. I gotta think of something.

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Yesterday was the last Friday before the Christmas holiday and it was a blast. Lots of wines, food and good company.

My body is upset, clearly I feel sick after eating all that meat yesterday. From lunch to dinner, OMG it was meat overload. You might be surprise why is it reacting this way when I just changed my diet recently. The truth is for the past year or so I haven't been eating that much meat because I'm just too lazy to cook it and I LOVE my vegetables way too much. It was then that I feel like hey, I can become a vegetarian. Note to self, ain't eating that meat again.

There's a lot of things that I have my mind on recently such as being part of a community (I've signed up for a meetup), being minimalist (selling my stuff in a flea market) and veganism (thriving on day 5). Stuff that are of good. I just hope I keep moving forward and not lose sight of why I intend to do it in the first place.  

This morning is just baffling.

I woke up at 4am.
Workout at 4:30am.
Cooked and ate breakfast at 5:15am.
Read The Plant Based Journey at 5:30am while multi-tasking on preparing lunch.
Did my morning pages at 6:00am.
Cleaning the mess I made in the kitchen at 7am.
And now writing a blog post at 7:30am.

WTF. This is just way too much. I haven't workout at home in a long time so this is really messed up. I need to create a better system because right now I'm ready to snooze.

Little do most of you know, my attempt to veganism started a while back but failed a couple of times because I wasn't educating myself properly. I don't know why chickens are not meant to be eaten or why people could eat more calories on a vegan diet and still stay slim. (There's a science behind it.)

During that process, I learned a couple of things about myself that I could act upon to help me stick to the diet.
1. There's a lot of other foods aside from broccoli and spinach.
2. I can't eat a vegan meal more than 2x consecutively. I need variety.
3. I can't plan my food a week in advance because even before I reached mid week, I already change my mind.
4. Reading about veganism daily is like having a teacher with me that sees my progress (sees my progress I meant myself)

Everyone leaves at some point right? And don't I envy those people who leaves because I always thought they are moving ahead to something far greater than where they are now? But now that it's my turn, why am I scared? I doubt if anyone isn't but truthfully, sometimes change needs to happen.

The road can be bumpy and sometimes it hits us when we least expected it but whether anyone is with you in the process or not, know that this is part of the plan, that you are strong and that you are far more capable that you think you are.

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I find this very important when it comes to any interest. Whether you're into art or fitness, it's good to know that someone shares the same sentiments as you. Lately as you know I'm delving more into becoming a vegan. It's a slow transition and I'm doing it meal by meal. I have my reasons why I wanted to change to this lifestyle and one of the biggest struggle for me is what to eat.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell people I was leaving. I kept waiting for the right time but I don't think there ever is. They will know it eventually and besides I have about less than a month to go. To be honest, I'm sad to leave. These people made my year one of the best I had in a long time. Though my next move might not be as fun, I know I'm doing it for myself and for where I see myself in the long run.

This is pretty much the plan till Saturday.

I'm getting so worked up worrying but I know I shouldn't. I remind myself to keep faith that things will fall into places at the right time. It will be.

These 2 words is something I need to keep in mind if I want to progress with what I wanted to achieve. It's not easy like most things in life but I need to work this towards myself in order for change to happen.

Transitioning to veganism is a lot harder than I thought it would be even though I've already cut dairy on my diet for the most part. For someone who drinks Starbucks every single day, drinking black coffee was a big switch. In fact I drink espresso 90% of the time now because I realise I only need that dose of energy. Meat is easy for me to cut out because I don't eat it most of the time anyway. So why am I still struggling? Because I crave for it on occasion and it sucks. To be honest, I just want to live a good healthy lifestyle without having to think about it all the time.

So just this morning I purchased The Plant Based Journey in hopes that I will learn a thing or two about  this whole transition and educate myself again on why meat and dairy is not good for the human body. I will update more on that later.

I'm not sure if I'm ready to share this but perhaps it will keep me accountable. Posting my morning pages here helps me to do just that and I'm hoping it will do the same with my diet and fitness. So I will start this off tomorrow. Yesterday I stumble upon a very powerful quote and I couldn't agree more.

One of the things that came up on my morning pages is being consistent. A lot of the times it's easy to start something but to be consistent it's a hard long battle. That's what I'm trying to do with my diet and exercise. I have fallen off of it and it's gonna be a struggle to go back into it. But hey, if I manage to start and be consistent with my morning pages hell I can be consistent in those 2 as well. I realise it helps if I blog about it because then I can be accountable. Perhaps I should do the same for both?

I'm so excited that I finally got the chance to sell in a flea market. WHHATTT? yes! I'm downsizing my closet and a lot has to go. I'm just thrilled because usually it's difficult for me to participate in a flea market where I live because I need to be a citizen and I'm not so when this opportunity arises I had to take it. It's gonna be so much fun.

I'm blessed. I really am and I can't be more thankful. Indeed there are far greater things ahead and I must not lose sight of it. I'm moving forward to a new beginning and a wonderful journey.

I remind myself that what I'm facing now is just temporary, that there are far better things ahead I need to look forward to, that it's okay if I put in the effort, it will only be for a short while. It won't last very long.

I don't know why I'm getting so worked up but this week has gone by so slow and things aren't moving as fast as I want them to. I'm just ready to close this chapter of my life and start a new. I'm ready to bid farewell to a wonderful year, to the amazing people and to start moving forward.

This is what I remind myself on days where I start to wonder why things aren't happening to me while it is for other people. It will just happen I guess at the right place at the right time.

With so many things I wanted to do, I need to remind myself to just pause and priorities things. Not everything is a priority and this applies to all aspects of my life. That's kind of where I'm at really. It's really just about focusing one thing at a time.

I've always wanted to be a vegan for a number of reasons and it was this year that I tried to change my diet to embrace this new way of eating. But I wasn't very consistent as I find it difficult in a social setting. Most guys I asked won't even date me if I'm a vegan. It is that bad. Then again their opinion doesn't matter as long as I'm true to myself and my beliefs. I'm trying to practice veganism again and see how that goes.

I was just thinking about how the people I have in my lives now are around for a reason. How I suddenly became close with someone because he was the only one around when things didn't turn out well. How he pushes me to stop moaning and move forward because nothing good is going to come out of me ranting about it all day.

There are things we already know but we needed our friends to remind us that we are not alone, that we have them and for that I'm thankful.

Sometimes it's good to be scared of experiencing new things because it only means that you're getting out of your comfort zone and you're living a richer life. That's what I'm trying to do now. I feel like my life has been mehhhh lately and I need to be doing more. Maybe I will.

One of the things that came up on my morning pages is to frugal up. Knowing me this is something not I'm very good at but worth trying anyways. I've been good for the past couple of days but I need to be consistent if this is what I'll be focusing on the coming months.

Today's morning pages was all about a particular aspiration I've always had for a long time. I've never gotten around to do it because my current situation doesn't allow me to and like most dreams, there's a lot at risk. But while I was jotting down my thoughts about it, my mind just probe questions and possible answers of ways I could do it. Is this really what the whole morning pages is about? I'm surprise because I'm only at day 3 and it's doing something.

On the other news, I stumble upon a stack of photographs from previous trip to Paris and can I just say that it brought back all the feels? This is one of those photographs I took and it was during autumn. It's this beautiful small garden at the back of Notre Dame and right across it is the Archbishop's Bridge or Pont de l'Archevêché as they call it in french. It's all covered in padlocks of course. I remember sitting at one of those benches and just taking it all in. It was beautiful and it will always be one of those moments I won't forget.

I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to start this new ritual every morning. I guess I've always like to write but I'm not consistent about it. I just do it when something significant happens or if I want to get my emotions out. It has always been my avenue anyways that's why I kept this blog for so long.

Today's morning pages was a lot about my bestfriend visiting to town and how we discuss life plans. Yes life plans! Is it scary and exciting at the same time? It's like drafting out a road map not only how you see yourself 10 years from now but doing it in a way that actually fulfils your dream. Yesterday, a friend of my surprised all of us by moving to Japan to fulfil his childhood dream of living and studying there and he is 36. Heck you can be 45 and still do it anyways.

We're all artist of our lives and that's what makes it exciting and liberating at the same time. We all have choices and it's up to us decide where to use it. And when you do go for it and don't lose sight of what you've always wanted, at least this is what I try to remind myself every single day.

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As promised I started the morning pages this morning and I'm proud of myself for getting through all 3x pages full. Yes, you read that right. I'm not surprised because I do have a lot of things on my head. Most of what I've written is a recap of what I've done yesterday and all the thinking behind it as well. I don't think I'm completely lost. I have a direction just that I guess I wanted more. Hey, a girl can dream right?

I have a lot of thoughts in my head lately that I felt the need to get it out. There's just so much things going on and I don't even know where to begin. Well, I kind of know but it's all over the places now. I needed an avenue where I can just spill it and not keep anything. I'm sure you're thinking well isn't this what the blog is for? But like most entries that you've read, you'd know I keep in vague for privacy reasons.

So this morning when I was browsing through Paris Letters by Janice Macleod, she mentioned about how she changed her life and it all started when she challenged herself to write 3 pages a day, every single day for 365 days in a year and blogged about it to keep her accountable. Mind you, she didn't blog the contents of her pages but rather just the gist of it and the challenges in the process.

I figured why not I do the same?

If it changes her life as well as to most people who've done this exercise, (it originally came from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron) then I'm sure it will do the same to me. 20 - 30 minutes a day is all that's needed. I'm sure I can inject that into my daily ritual.

And while I get burned out easily, like most things I've tried, I notice that I'm more likely to keep up with things when there is a time frame involved. For example, I've done 30 days of photo challenge last January and I'm keeping up with my gratitude journal that I started about a weeks ago where I write 3 things I'm grateful for everyday.

Initially I was thinking of waiting till 1 Jan'17 to begin this journey but why wait? Why not start it tomorrow 28 Nov, Mon just as we begin the week for the next 365 days and blog about. Sounds good to me.

I'm trying to keep myself compose despite the tribulations that has happened recently. There are things beyond our control and we can only do so much.

Life would throw a curve ball at us but it gives you a hint when it's coming. You would see it from a mile ahead and it's up to us to decide whether to act on it immediately or wait till we are sure it will hit us. And when it does you have to trust that it meant well, to free you from the situation you would have otherwise endured and to open the doors where you could realise what you are capable of and what you are meant to do.

Most often than not we know what we wanted, we're just afraid to do it and put in the effort that is required, and it's not until something hits us that forces us to do it anyway. In my case, this turn of events did just that. It created such a huge impact that it forces me to reassess how I want to live my life and design it in a way I will be proud of 10 years from now.

Yesterday I asked myself, this is how I've lived in my 20s. How do I want to live in my 30s?

Things will fall into place despite how it may appear. After all what is life without pain and suffering. It's the way the universe balances itself and as such it's our duty to handle it with grace and not let ourselves drown over it.

Life is a hard long battle; to be ourselves yet pleasing other people, to make choices not out of random but of logic. One can argue and say otherwise but in truth, if one can handle the consequences of their action then by all means please. We can't judge people and that's the principle I live by.

I don't know where I'm going with this but I guess these are things I want to tell myself and it hopes it helps others as well. Life has its ups and downs and when it hits you hard, embrace it, roll with it and know it's okay to cry when it helps. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes despite how much we know of the world.

And please know that despite how hard it seems there are friends who are willing to listen and will be there to assure you that you are good enough, that you are amazing and that you are worth it.

Sometimes we stumble upon people that makes a difference in us and makes us think of what's important in life. That's what happened here on our second day in Tai Chung. A lady in her late 40s welcome us in her quaint little shop and shared with us her stories of life and travels in Spain. Initially I was listening patiently just to be polite but later did I know I got more that what I intended to do.

She did not only share with us her experiences and adventures in Spain but also her sentiments towards it. How all of these are memories she kept with her and will stay with her even long after she moved here in Tai Chung. She was even so proud that she can speak Spanish fluently that I find it amusing.

And just as I was about to believe that perhaps traveling may not change a person, her story proved me wrong and made me realise that we have to build memories in life, regardless whether it's with someone or not, and when I grow old I want to look back and say I've seen and experience as much as I could in this lifetime and that I've lived a beautiful life.

I learn to let things pass and not let myself be affected by what others say. I can't please everybody and we're not all meant to get along anyway. To be honest, I don't think I care anymore. I became so numb that whatever is said I just take it with a grain of salt and just let it be.

If there is one thing that changed me this year it would probably be this. I just don't think it matters anymore.

I have so many thoughts in my head and I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I'm in a crossroad and I'm not sure which one to take. All I know is where I'm now is not where I want to be. I want to do something else but I don't think I have the courage for it just yet.

Last Saturday night it hit me, I don't know for what reason. Reason I can't remember. Someone told me something and I didn't realise how much I was hurt. How I refuse to trust and believe anything anymore because whenever I do, I get hurt and I'm so tired of it.

How do I explain this? How do I explain that every time I see you in a space where there is no one but just you.. right there, standing, waiting, my heart skips like it found its home in the comforts of your being. How do you do it?

Slowly you're saying some kind of sorry but it's sounding more like you're letting me know. I'm not afraid to be the one to leave and then letting you go. Why give some kind of story when you know it's only going to be nothing at all. Give it over little lover you know I'll be another to call.

I wasn't expecting to see you again considering we just had a night of drinks and partying. I thought that was it but you joined us anyway and had another night of fun. You showed us what the locals knew as the scene to be in the city and it was awesome. For 2 nights in a row we were all smashed and needed a day of recovery. It was that epic. 

It still surprises me how I got your attention despite having other girls on the trip. Not that it mattered but to me it meant that despite what I thought of myself, you see it otherwise.

It was a fun night wasn't it? The boys were playing the game I could never understand and you reached out if I'd like to be a part of it. I figured that was a good move and how men nowadays should do that more often. After a couple more drinks, the night has come to an end and we stayed up till 3am with late night swims and long walks by the beach. No one even notices it and perhaps that was a good thing. You were my secret summer fling.

Why do we always go back to this conversation? Haven't I embarrass myself enough? It's clear to me and you don't have to constantly say things I don't want to hear. I'm not upset okay. I'm not. It's just that I question myself now more than anything else and I blame you for it. You proved me right all along.