I wasn't expecting any of this to happen... and I meant that in a good way. I was drawn to you. A depiction of someone I never thought existed; a gentle heart, a kind soul, something rare that I would have thought guys like you cease to exist.

Yet I'm not exactly sure if I'm even saying it right. I'm not good with judgement, at least not anymore. It always appear as though I'm the one dreaming, trapped in this illusion that lies in my head. Needless to say, I needed to feel what I felt that night; a smudgeness of love, a tint of false hope.

photo via anonymous

This is how it's suppose to end isn't it? The sad goodbyes, the whole you needed to see me before you go kind of thing. I couldn't bring myself to it. I'm not good with goodbyes nor am I good with dealing emotions I buried a long time ago. I just didn't want to feel it anymore.

Yet when I saw your message in middle of the night, my heart dropped and I couldn't breathe. I wasn't expecting this. So much had happened over the course of months that I have completely forgotten how I once felt; the joy, the pain and now it's all rushing back in.

Perhaps I was hoping I'd see you again, but not this way, not now, not yet. And I guess now I never will and I'm ok with it.


photo via anonymous